“Looking at the Big Picture” Depends on Where YOU Fit into the “Picture”

(Inspired by my son’s experience during the Covid-19 pandemic)

“Why aren’t you looking at the big picture”? Ever been told that? Well, I plead guilty of using that a lot, especially with family and close friends, and to be fair, I get told that too a lot of times. I can unabashedly also admit that I have “judged” people in my life for not “looking at the big picture” multiple times.

I am sure that you all would agree that Covid-19 has had an impact on almost all aspects of the world we live in today, some economic, some emotional, some grave, some tragic. I, too, have been affected perhaps in all the ways above! So, what is different about what I’m trying to say?

My son, Arnav, is an international student pursuing his undergraduate degree at a college in USA and was all set to graduate in May 2020. He has been incredibly blessed to be part of a varsity athletic team for close to four years. When the news of the rapid spread of the coronavirus began to heighten tensions and intensify preventative measures, my son was on spring break. While on this tennis trip on the other coast of the country, Arnav got the news that his college suspended regular classes and announced a three-week online program starting the day after spring break. International students were allowed to remain on campus or go home, and the college offered full support (which was very thoughtful of the college and we are indeed very grateful).

We were then faced with the monumental decision of whether Arnav should remain in his college housing upon his return after spring break or whether he should come back home to India. If he stayed there, there was the risk of him not being able to come back home, in case the Indian Government decided to stop people coming back to India from the US. On the other hand, if he did come back, the status of his visa and even his diploma could be in jeopardy if college resumed and he was not allowed back into the US. Adding to this equation was my personal struggle that Covid-19 could get better/ worse in India or the US and which would be the “safer” place for him to be. After three nights of endless discussions, emails, conversations, and emotions running high, we (my husband, Arnav and I) decided together that he would come back to India, knowing that the college had promised maximum academic support even in the case of him not being able to return back if physical classes resumed. Many a time during this process, I “counselled” him to “look at the big picture” and I am sure, emotionally blackmailed him using our concerns for his health and safety. Once this decision was made, I breathed a sigh of relief and awaited his arrival…

In doing so, I realised only much later, that I had completely ignored the emotional turmoil that he, as a senior international student and varsity athlete, was going through! Four years of hard work, sweat, athletics and friendships were going to culminate in this spring semester of 2020, with the graduation ceremony being the final icing on the cake! He had to say his good-byes (maybe his last) to his college campus, undergraduate life, friends, and all his dreams for this semester… TWO months before he expected to! And he got only ONE day to do all that.

The ONE new lesson that Covid-19 has taught me is that it is much easier to “look at the big picture” if you are not in the picture, looking at it from outside. It is a little tougher for sure, when you are part of the picture. But practically impossible when the “picture” is integrally you.

I don’t claim sainthood by saying that I will never use the line again, but I will think many, many times before I judge anyone (myself included), for “not looking at the big picture”. My sons’ words, “In 24 hours, I have lost everything I was looking forward to for the last four years” will reverberate in my head forever! This awakening was there in front of me, but it took these above words from Arnav, my darling son, to open my eyes, accept, and even “embrace” this lesson.

Do look at where you fit (or don’t) into the “picture” before judging others or yourself for failing to “look at the big picture”!